When Helping Starts to Hurt: How SPACE Teaches Parents to Support Without Accommodating
When your child is anxious, every instinct tells you to protect. You might find yourself staying in their room at bedtime, answering repeated reassurance questions, or avoiding certain outings altogether—because keeping them calm feels like the only option.
But over time, these well-meaning accommodations can quietly reinforce your child’s anxiety. And you may begin to feel stuck, exhausted, and unsure how to help them grow stronger.
This is exactly where SPACE—Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions—comes in. Developed at the Yale Child Study Center by Dr. Eli Lebowitz, SPACE is a parent-based treatment that empowers caregivers to support their children with anxiety or OCD without needing the child to participate directly in therapy.
Yes, you read that right: your child doesn’t need to be in the room for this to work.
What Is SPACE?
SPACE is a structured, research-backed intervention designed to reduce children’s anxiety symptoms by changing how parents respond to them. It’s not about ignoring your child’s distress. In fact, it’s the opposite.
SPACE teaches you how to respond with warmth and support—while also gradually reducing the unhelpful accommodations that may be feeding the anxiety cycle.
For example, instead of answering your child’s repeated “What if…?” questions about a feared event, you might learn how to calmly express confidence in their ability to cope—without giving in to the urge to soothe or fix.
Why Accommodations Backfire
Accommodations are the small (and big) adjustments we make to protect our children from anxiety. You’ve probably made many out of love:
- Letting your child stay home from school to avoid a feared situation
- Repeating yourself endlessly to reassure them
- Avoiding family vacations or social events because they feel too overwhelming
These responses are understandable. But over time, they can send a message that your child can’t handle discomfort—strengthening the anxiety and limiting their growth.
SPACE helps you gently reverse this dynamic by offering clear, supportive messages alongside concrete behavioral changes. You learn to say, in effect: “I believe in you. And I’m here to help you do hard things—not avoid them.”
Who Is SPACE For?
SPACE is ideal for parents of children or teens who are experiencing:
- Generalized anxiety
- Separation anxiety
- Social anxiety
- Specific phobias
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
- Panic symptoms or school refusal
It’s also a powerful option when a child is unwilling or unable to participate in therapy themselves. In SPACE, you become the agent of change—and your child benefits, even if they never set foot in my office.
What Makes SPACE Different?
Here’s what I appreciate most about the SPACE model—and why it’s an intervention I come back to again and again:
1. It’s evidence-based and empowering.
Multiple clinical trials have shown that SPACE is just as effective as individual CBT for childhood anxiety. And because parents are at the center of the work, you walk away with lasting tools and a greater sense of confidence.
2. It meets families where they are.
There’s no need to wait for your child to be “ready for therapy.” SPACE focuses on the environment around your child—one that you can change.
3. It strengthens the parent-child relationship.
Even as you set new boundaries around accommodations, SPACE emphasizes empathy and connection. You learn how to validate your child’s distress while guiding them toward growth.