Positive thinking: It ain’t all roses

COVID-19 is pushing many of us to our limits.  We're not meant to live like this: sheltering-in-place, kids out of school, social experiences relegated to screens, fearful of the most mundane of activities, like grocery shopping.  And yet, most of us have at least one person in our lives who might take this moment and demand in a well-meaning way that we “look on the bright side!”  This might be followed by a list of positive things we should be keeping in mind, despite the backdrop of a pandemic.

Indeed, much has been said about the power of positive thinking.  To oversimplify the point, the message coming out of the positive thinking camp is, “if you (positively) think it, it will come.” But a body of research has exposed a number of the myths of purely positive thinking.  In fact, there is a growing body of evidence that focusing on positive thinking can actually lead to more distress and that this may be particularly true for people who are anxious, depressed, or suffer from low self-esteem.

This isn’t to say there is no value in “blue sky” thinking, or that we should go ahead and indulge our lower minds, where baseless self-doubt and limiting beliefs live.  It is to say, though, that the reality of problem-solving and behavior change is more complex than proponents of positive thinking suggest.

On Season 1, Episode 7 of the podcast The Happiness Lab, Dr. Laurie Santos digs into some of the misconceptions about positive thinking.  She spends some time talking about an approach to goal setting and achievement that has two decades of science to back it up.  The approach, which goes by the mouthful-of-a-name Mental Contrasting with Implementation Intentions (MCII), involves the practice of setting a goal, envisioning the expected obstacles to achieving that goal, and thinking through how you’ll work around those obstacles should they arise.  Whereas positive thinking is often considered a general lifestyle mindset, MCII is tied to action.  It’s used to address specific problems, to achieve goals, to change behavior, and to shift unhelpful patterns.

Many of us are struggling to keep our chins up right now and see the bright side, despite what the well-intentioned positive thinkers amongst us may suggest.  Let’s be honest:  this particular moment does not seem to call for blind positive thinking. But that doesn’t mean we have to just sit with the COVID-19 fallout in our families.  So:

• If you’re a parent who is losing their patience with their children
• If you’re struggling to maintain a healthy lifestyle (you’re eating bread and cookies all day and not exercising at all)
• If your child is having a hard time getting through certain parts of the day without breaking down (distance learning, anyone?)
• If you’re struggling to complete work because of how anxious and distracted you feel
• If you’re experiencing conflict in your relationship (with your partner, with one of your children, or someone else close to you)

There is help – help that is backed up by evidence accumulated over the last 20 years.  The practice of MCII, particularly when used in conjunction with other short-term treatments, can make a big difference in your experience of your life.

If you feel like something needs to shift in your life, in your relationship, in your family, or for your child, let's set up a free initial consultation call to see if I can help.  Help is available – even (especially) now.